“… … in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream."

It’s with a heavy heart that I write this blog as my excitement about representing my country in November’s World 100K Championship in Doha has suddenly been shattered.  I’m devastated that the injury I had last winter (hamstring tendinopathy and a stress reaction in my pelvis) has returned – confirmed by another costly MRI scan.  Even more worrying is the fact that the inflammation seems to be worse this time, and is on both sides too.

Prior to this training had been going really well and I’d done a couple of 40km + runs and was looking forward to increasing these over the coming weeks.  I was also looking forward to running in the British Masters Marathon Championships, but sadly that wasn’t to be either.

Following the MRI scan I had a long consultation with my physio, Mark Buckingham, to assess the extent of the injury and come up with a rehab plan.  He said that if I tried to train for, and race, 100K I risked doing much more damage and ending up with a full blown stress fracture.  His expert professional opinion was that it was more a case of ‘when’ rather than ‘if’ that would happen.  Basically, I had no option but to withdraw from the team – a heart-breaking decision but I respect my physio’s advice and really had no choice.

Added to the disappointment and frustration is the realisation of just how bad the injury seems to be.  Mark’s advice of TOTAL rest for at least 2 or 3 weeks really brought this home, especially when he added “in an ideal world – bed rest” – though he did concede that probably wasn’t practical!  This was also reinforced when he said that if I’d got the same injury in my foot I’d be in a boot and on crutches now!  The only reason I’m not is that it would still be difficult to immobilise the hamstring / pelvis even with crutches, as the problem is due to hamstring traction rather than impact – i.e. just lifting my leg will aggravate it.  So, no exercise at all for me at the moment, and minimal walking about but plenty of sitting and lying down!  So can anyone recommend any good books or films?!!

The next step is to try and identify why the problem has returned, and why it’s on both sides this time.  One of the things we’ll look at is whether my running gait has changed at all.  Mark also had a good look at my training diary to see how I’d built my running back up after the last episode in case we might have tried to do too much too soon, but he couldn’t find any fault with it.  One of the worst things about injuries is not knowing the cause and therefore not knowing what to do to prevent a recurrence.

I know I should be positive; I know there are plenty of people in the world who are much worse off than I am; I know I should count my blessings and be thankful for what I have, and I am trying – honestly!  It’s just that it’s so hard sometimes!  Everything had been geared to this race since coming back from the injury last winter, and my ambition to run in Doha was made even stronger by the fact that last year’s Championship was cancelled and the year before I also had to withdraw from the team due to injury.  Although I won a bronze medal in last year’s European 100K Championships I haven’t had the chance to test myself on the World stage since my first attempt in 2011.  When you want something so desperately, and work so hard for it, then it’s suddenly taken away from you – it can be hard to come to terms with.  I guess emotionally it will become easier over time, though I’m not sure the disappointment will ever heal completely.  I just hope that I heal physically and can get back to the sport I love.

So, in the words of Martin Luther King Jr. “… … in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream."